Tired of My Own Failure
Mountaintop experiences.  Desert experiences.  Mountaintop ones leave me joyful, happy, and fist-pumping my hands high in the air with a huge smile.  Desert ones leave me dry, worn, fearful, and on my knees with tears streaming down my face.  

You and I have had them both.  We’re usually in one or on our way to the other.  And, we can be sure we will continue to experience both again during our days here on earth.  

In Matthew 3:13-4:11 we read about Jesus experiencing both.  He has just been baptized and God has opened the heavens and spoken over him.  Next, the Bible tells us, “Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil.”  Jesus fasts for 40 days and nights and the temptation begins.  Satan tries to tempt him three different times.  Jesus triumphs with the truth of God’s Word.  Angels attend to him.  His ministry on earth begins.

I sit and write today in a desert.  Only in my desert, I have been weak and given into temptation.  I have battled all week.  Three days in a row, I have kneeled before God and asked for his forgiveness.  Each day I have sought God with all of my heart.  Each day my confession and repentance has been real.  Each day, I have started fresh determined to control my tongue in spite of the frustrations surrounding me.  And, each day I have failed.  

I have learned that failure is not an excuse to give up.  And, it is not a reason to justify sin.  Instead, it should lead us to the Savior with a Godly sorrow.  It should drop us to our knees. And, it should bring about transformation.  

The hope I have is that with each failure, I have learned.  I have gotten back up, put on the armor of God, and moved forward.  With each drop of grace the Father has poured out, I have grown.  I have sought Him more.  And, today, my tongue didn’t wag.

If you share a similar struggle, don’t give up.  Look up instead.  Give it to Jesus.  And, try again.  He will be faithful.  You will learn.  With Him, victory is closer than you might think!

* * *

Sweet Jesus,
Thank you for never giving up on me.  Even when I have given up on myself, You have lifted my countenance.  You have pulled me up.  Carried me.  Taught me how to move forward again.  

Your grace is more than my mind can comprehend.  It is truly amazing.  Beautiful.  Undeserved.  It is hope.  It is true love.  Thank you.

* * *
My Child,
Your battle has never been against flesh and blood.  There is a battle raging around you which is unseen.  You cannot fight it with weapons of this world or weapons of your own power.  You will fail.  You will lose every time.

Put on the belt of truth around your waist.  Truth is your core.  Your strength.  Place the breastplate of righteousness across your heart.  It will keep your heart pure and sold out to Me alone.  Put on the helmet of salvation knowing your mind can be protected with the peace of Jesus when you give Me every thought within.  Keep your feet fitted with the message of the gospel so you can take it everywhere you go.   Hold close your shield of faith.  For faith will extinguish every temptation and attack thrown at you.  And, finally stay in My Word.  Take it to heart.  Study it.  Speak it.  For it is the sword of the Spirit which has the power to slay evil.  Pray without ceasing.  Keep focused on Me.  Stay in a continual conversation with Me throughout the day.

My weapons will bring victory just like the one you experienced today.  You will find yourself feeling beat up, bruised, tired and worn at times just like you did this past week.  But you will never be defeated.  For, I have overcome the world. (Ephesians 6:10-18, John 16:33)

Your Defender