Are You Worn Out?

I’ve had a rough week.  I want to sound more positive and say, “I had a challenging week, “ or, “I had some struggles this week.”  But the bottom line is that I had a rough week.  

The Gillespie family is facing some “stuff” that I simply don’t like.  I want to fix it or take it away.  But, it isn’t mine to fix or manage.  My only choice is to face it.  

In addition, I received answers regarding some health issues I’ve been facing the past 18 months.  And, while I’m very grateful for the answers, I struggled to accept that after a year of food restrictions, more has been taken away.  And - brace yourself for this one ladies - this includes NO CHOCOLATE (not even my allergy-free kind)! I also get to add a medical shake twice a day to try to help heal my body.  Oh - and I can expect to be very sick for a week or so as my body adjusts.

In a matter of 4 days, I was thrown into the fire of Gillespie family “stuff”.  And, told I can’t even have chocolate!  Instead, I get a medical shake.  And, sickness.  Not fun.  Not pretty.  Not what I want.  

So, I did what any reasonable Jesus loving gal would do.  I went to God and very respectfully threw a minor temper tantrum.  I explained I would go down this road, but I didn’t want to.  I shared my fears.  I shed tears.  And I asked Him what the purpose was in taking so much away from me.  I asked, “What is the point?”

And, as my tantrum ended, I took a breath.  I paused.  I closed my eyes.  I was still.  

* * *

God, I’m tired and worn.  I’ve been here before.  In fact, I’ve been worse.  And, You have always been faithful.  You are beyond good to me.  But, from where I am standing, it is hard to see Your plan.  It is hard to believe it is a good plan.  My head knows Your truth, but my eyes try to distract me with what I can see.

Help me to walk by faith and not by sight.  I cry out just as the father did in Mark 7 that I do believe, but help me in my unbelief.  Please give me the breath I need for today to put one foot in front of the other.  Open my eyes to the things unseen.  Guide me in Your truth.  

* * *

My Precious Daughter,

I hold your tears in my hand.  I see your broken places.  Always remember that I am the Potter and you are the clay.  I am the Potter that is gently holding you.  Molding you.  Crafting you.  There are times of pressure and times of gentle touch.  But both are still in My hands.  There are times of outpouring and times of dryness.  But, both are under my care.  

I will never leave you or forsake you.  I am the same yesterday, today and forever.  I am with you always even until the ends of the earth.  You are My child whom I love.

Reach out your hand.  Reach just as you did as a child and know I carry you through this.  Take heart, for I have overcome.

Your Dad Who Holds You

* * *

I’m into the new week now and the Gillespie “stuff” is still rough.  And, I had some physical food withdrawals.  But, because I went to God with my rough week...  because I asked Him questions...  He is answering me.  He is giving me insight.  And, I haven’t been sick yet.

I am learning that when all is stripped away from me, He is ever present.  When horrific things in life happen, He weeps with me.  On the days when I can barely get out of bed, He is right beside me.  And, even when it feels like He is missing, He isn’t.  

Hebrews 13:5 tells us that God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”  The Message paraphrase writes it like this, “I’ll never let you down, I’ll never walk off and leave you.”

Whatever you are facing this week, know God is there and He cares.  Even if it feels like He isn’t.  He is there.  He cares.  Surrender what is hard for you.  Share your heart with Him.  Throw your temper tantrum if you must.  But, give it to Him.  Go all in.  And then, keep walking.  Take one step.  Then another.  Don’t worry about what tomorrow brings (or for some of us the next hour or next meal).  Simply take one step and walk it out with Him.

My prayer for each of us is from Hebrews 13:20-21,
“May God, who puts all things together,
   makes all things whole,
Who made a lasting mark through the sacrifice of Jesus,
   the sacrifice of blood that sealed the eternal covenant,
Who led Jesus, our Great Shepherd,
   up and alive from the dead,
Now put you together, provide you
   with everything you need to please him,
Make us into what gives him most pleasure,
   by means of the sacrifice of Jesus, the Messiah.
All glory to Jesus forever and always!
   Oh, yes, yes, yes.” (The Message)