Feeling Empty and Confused...

Distraction.  Separation.  Confusion.  Emptiness.  When did you last feel each of these?  Recently, I experienced all of them at the same time.   I’m still not sure why God allowed me to walk through it.  But, I praise Him for pulling me through it.  

What was my turning point? I honestly do not know, but I tell you that it happened somewhere along the way as I confessed my distraction, sought Him with as much of my heart as I could, and persevered through the empty emotions, He reached down and pulled me back in.

He will do the same for you.  Wherever you are right now.  Whether you are lost, confused, lonely, empty, or just so busy that you are distracted, He is waiting for you.  He hasn’t left.  He never will.  Your Father is there.  And, when you reach up, He will reach down and pull you back in.  Always and forever, He will pull you back.  

Here’s a glimpse of my heart and His response across it during that time.

* * *

Father, this is hard.  I don’t like this.  I’m on the verge of tears and yet I sense a hardness in my heart.  Am I missing something?  I know I’m unfocused.  I know I’m not still.  I’m pausing now, but distractions are everywhere.  

Please shout through the distractions.  Rescue me.  You are my Shelter.  You are my Refuge.  You are my Redeemer.  May I find true rest in You alone.  May You become my peace.

* * *

Breathe, My Child.  Let the tears flow.  I know this is hard for you.  I know you feel a separation from Me.  I know you hear condemning thoughts in your mind.  Hold to the Truth you know.  I will not leave you.  I will not condemn you.  I am near.  

I am God.  No man or woman can harm you.  No storm can overtake you.  I created you.  So do not fear.  I have redeemed you.  I have summoned you by name; you are Mine.

When you pass through the waters,  I will be with you.  And when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the Lord your God, your Savior. (Romans 8:1, Deut. 31:6, Isaiah 41:10, 43:1-2, Psalm 56:11 and 139)

Your Protector

Missed Expectations

Easter Sunday.  The day the resurrection of Jesus Christ is celebrated.  It is special.  It is a big deal.  Christ-followers everywhere celebrate.  People who go to church twice a year typically go on this celebration day.  And, for those of us in ministry, it is one of two celebratory days we NEVER want to miss.

However, this past Easter Sunday, I was not celebrating victory over death with others.  I wasn’t up at the crack of dawn praying for the hearts of those who would enter churches around the world.  I wasn’t even praying for my church family at First Christian.  Instead, I was dragging my sick self out of bed just long enough to get the kids dressed and out the door with their Grandfather.

High fevers, body aches, and piercing stomach pains had been my lot for 48 hours.  Taking 15 minutes to get the children ready had extracted what bit of strength I had gained from finally getting a good night of rest.  So, I crawled back into bed, pulled up the blankets, and cried.  

And while the look and smell of my sick self was enough to draw anyone to tears, my tears flowed from a yearning heart.  You see, this Easter Sunday not only celebrated the hope I have in Jesus Christ as my Savior, but it also marked the end of a 40 day fast.     

I had never undertaken a 40 day fast and Easter Sunday was the grand finale.  I had great expectations of what the day would hold.  I was anticipating the greatest day of worship I had ever experienced...  the most amazing Word I had ever heard...  and the most special day of my life.  And, I assumed it would all happen while worshipping my risen Savior with others.

But, God had another way.  His plan was to meet with me when I was sick, gross, and so very desperate for Him.  It was special.  It was powerful.   And, I’m beyond grateful He made me low that day so I could be lifted up according to His plans.  

When was the last time your expectations were not met?  The last time you had a major disappointment?  When did you last have an amazing plan that fell apart?  Do you realized it will happen again?  

May you be encouraged with God’s words spoken through the prophet Isaiah in Isaiah 55:8-9,   

  “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

       neither are your ways my ways,”

   declares the Lord.

    “As the heavens are higher than the earth,

      so are my ways higher than your ways

       and my thoughts than your thoughts.“ (NIV)

God has a plan.  He has a way.  And, even when it is difficult, heartbreaking, or confusing, He is close to us leading the way.  

* * *

Forgive me Father for looking through the lens of what “is not” rather than all that “is” in my life.  You are unfolding Your plans.  You give me gracious glimmers when I cannot see.  You show Your hand in Your perfect timing.  You are doing Your work.  Your ways are higher...  greater...  better.  Thank you for resetting my sight.  

* * *

My Child,

Do you feel the wind?  Look out the window and see.  Do you see how it is still one moment and then blows with great might and power the next?  You cannot predict the stillness or the gusts.  And, you cannot predict My movement either.  

You are growing weary from the wait.  I see it.  But it is in the wait that I am preparing you for what is yet to come.  Be content with the stillness, Child.  Be content in the gust.  Both are in My control.  Both are directed by Me.  

I am the Lord your God who teaches you what is best for you and who directs you in the way you should go.  I make known the end from the beginning...  what happened long ago and what is yet to come.  My purpose will stand.  (Isaiah 40:29, 43:19, 46:10, 48:17; Psalm 135:6-8)

The Director of Your Life  

I’m a Super Clean Freak!

It is spring cleaning time!  I absolutely love to clean, purge, and gets things nicely in order.  It is the control freak side of me.  And, a few times a year I indulge it.  

The process started with the boys’ room.  We cleaned out all of the toys and the clothes they had outgrown.  We looked over every item and made decisions with each.  Before long, I looked around the room and we were completely surrounded with all of their “stuff”.  It was all in front of us where it was easy to see, because, when we could see it, we could deal with it.  

I wish I could tell you they enjoyed it as much as I did.  But, they didn’t.  And, while they whined they were tired and needed “breaks.”  I could hear God whispering across my heart that I am no different than them.  Although I enjoy purging and cleaning my physical surroundings, I often whine and tell God I need “breaks” when He is cleaning out the junk in my life.  How about you?  

Much like my boys’ room, God’s cleansing is a process.  I have to make decisions with what He brings before me.  Will I clean it out?  Will I hold onto it?  Will I say I lay it down only to try and sneak it back in?  Getting rid of the big stuff that is comfortable can be hard to do.  And, getting rid of the little stuff hidden in the corners can be exhausting.  

But, just like the physical work done today brought a clean room where the boys could truly enjoy playing, a clean heart brings peace, contentment, and fulfillment.  I know both the room and my heart will get dirty again -  that is part of living in this imperfect world.  But for now, I fix my eyes on Jesus and I pause in the moment of the clean room and clean heart.  I am fulfilled.  I am satisfied.  And, I am very, very content.

* * *

Father,

Thank you for a day of cleaning and rest.  Thank you for lovingly digging deeper with me.  I feel satisfied to the depths of my core.  

* * *

My Child,

In every desert time, there are moments of reprieve.  Moments when the sun sets from the scorching sun.  Rare findings of springs flowing in the driest of places.  I will always give reprieve.  

I am doing a new thing.  Listen to My voice.  Keep your eyes on Me.  

Blessings will come.  Mysteries will be given.  And, I will set your feet on the path I desire for you.  The path which leads to the fulfillment of the plans I have for you.  Seek Me.  Be still.  Listen.  Trust.  Surrender.  (Acts 3:19, Isaiah 43:19, John 10:3-4, 2 Corinthians 4:18, Hebrews 12:2, Psalm 46:10, Jeremiah 29:10, Psalm 18:35-37, Psalm 62:8)

Your Father