Where are You Self-Control?

The other night my five and six year-old boys were struggling with poor choices and disobedience which all stemmed from a lack of self control.  I was tired, frustrated and “done.”  But, I kept calm and told them I was tired of correcting them.  I sent them to bed early telling them we would look up scripture on self-control the next morning (yep, I totally skipped the evening bible study – wasn’t that just brilliant?). 

I collapsed into bed yet again knowing things would be better in the morning.  And, guess what?  They were.  Except for the fact that I totally forgot about the scripture I had said we were going to look up.  In fact, I didn’t realize I had forgotten until our Bible study time the next evening.  At that point, I decided the best course of action was to take a shower and let Chris handle the kids (yep, another brilliant move!). 

As I “hid” from my family, my mind drifted toward God, “How can I help them with self-control?”  And, then I realized that I needed help with self-control.  One child may struggle with keeping his hands to himself, but I struggle with keeping my hands away from food and overeating.  Another child may struggle with controlling emotions when tired, but don’t I as well?  Self-control.  I need it too.

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Lord, I want to be a woman of self-control.  I want my children to be self controlled.  I don’t know how to teach us how to do it, so I look to You.  Teach me how to teach us all Father.

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Daughter,

You are doing well with bringing all things to Me rather than handling them yourself.  Do you feel the weight being released from you?  Stop and breathe for a moment.  Do you feel lighter?  And do you see that when you give your life to Me and seek Me, that I answer?  I may not give the final answer immediately, but I am working and moving toward the answer.  Trust Me to work in their lives just like I have faithfully worked in yours. 

Focus on the Fruit of the Spirit to learn self-control.  Start with the first and you’ll soon have even the last.

You Answerer 

***

Lately I have struggled with sitting down and reading Scripture.  I’m not focused.  I’m distracted.  I’m reading and I’m not getting it.  I’ll share more of what God is doing through this time as we enter 2013, but because of my own personal struggle, I want to break down the Scripture on the fruit of the spirit with you.  It will help me, and hopefully you as well.  If you find it confusing, though, please feel free to read Galatians 5:16-25 as a whole and ignore my questions and commentary through the breaks below.

 “So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.  For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.”

What two parts of us are fighting each other? 

Which one are we to walk or live by?

What happens if we do this?

Think about a rating scale.  If living according to your fleshly desires is a “1” and living according to the  Spirit a “10,” where do you fall?

^“ The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

This list can be so appalling that we can rush through it and say, “NOT ME!”  But the truth is that when we live according to the flesh, we can honestly say, “IT IS ME!” 

Have you ever had an outburst of anger?  Flesh

Have you ever put someone, like a relationship, or something else, like money, career, TV show, etc. ahead of God? Fleshly idolatry

Have you ever hated someone?  Flesh

Have you ever wished with all your heart you had what someone else had, whether it be something material or a gift or talent?  Fleshly envy

Have you ever wondered why someone else got someone or something rather than you?  Fleshly jealousy

Have you ever tried to talk someone into defending your side of a conflict? Fleshly dissensions and factions

The list could go on and on, but I’m thinking we can each identify with more than one of these, so I’ll stop.

 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

This is who I wish I was all the time.  How about you?  

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.  Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

Those who believe in and call on Jesus as Lord and Savior and surrender their lives belong to Him.  And what do we find about the flesh in those who belong to Him?

Do you see the hope?  Do you see that the flesh has been crucified?  Do you see we do not have to live by the flesh anymore?  Do you see it is possible to live by the Spirit?  This is the hope of Jesus! 

Cling to that hope this week.  Ask God to show you any “fleshly” stuff you are choosing in your life.  Confess them to Him and seek the fruit of the Spirit.  Next week we’ll study more on how we can live in freedom.

What's in Your Purse? 

I’m so amazed at how God works.  How when we seek Him, we do find Him.  And while I am awaiting answers on several things in my life, God gave me one answer today that makes me smile.

I’ve been praying about the posting for the blog this week.  I have something “somewhat” together, but it just didn’t “feel” right to me.  I wasn’t confident it was the right post for this week.  So, I simply prayed.  I prayed throughout the day and throughout the night (I had a sleepless night, so I was praying over everyone and everything!).  This morning, I checked my box in the church office and I found a beautifully written thought from one of our women at First Christian.  With her permission, I share it with you.

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“Dear Lord, if it weren’t for cleaning out purses!  Ha!  I had a wonderful birthday surprise and laugh this morning.  I had extra time to piddle before work and I thought, ‘I’ll trade out purses to match my outfit!’ since I never have time for that sort of thing. 

While unloading my purse, I found four rocks.  The kids love to collect things and are always picking up rocks from different places.  Oh how I laughed when I realized I had no idea how long I had been carrying around a stuffed purse with extra weight!

I was just about to throw the rocks out when I thought, ‘Oh, I know I am carrying around a lot that doesn’t belong in my life – things that I didn’t even know were there until recently.  I carry them and keep them close.’

So, Lord, please take these ‘rocks’ of mine.  I commit them to you.  You are Lord over them and me.  Help me to trust You with my hurts and fears.  Dear Lord, help me to put you first in all things with open hands.  Take the things that do not belong to me.  Thank you Lord!  Thank you!

I’m using a marker to label these rocks so I can carry them as a reminder for a while.  I want to remember to give my ‘rocks’ to You.  Thank you for showing me they are there.  I look forward to the day my purse is lighter!  Amen!”

***

As I read my friend Lisa’s words and saw her heart, I stopped and thought about my own ‘rocks.’  Some I know I’m carrying…  I’m trying to set them down and leave them.  But I know there are other rocks I am unaware of.  Worries, concerns, fears, stresses that I do not even know are at war in my heart and mind.

So, as I enter the season of Thanksgiving, I’m going to focus on all the many blessings I am surrounded with.  And I’m going to ask God to reveal any ‘rocks’ I’m carrying around with me.  Would you join me?  If so, let me know so we can pray for each other! 

Have an amazing Thanksgiving!  And remember to focus on dwell on all God has blessed you with.

Failed Expectations

 So much for releasing the expectations!  I’m faced once again with the dilemma of knowing what I need to do in my head, but failing miserably with actually doing it.

After a few good days of releasing expectations, I’m sitting here wanting to blow.  I walked into a messy house with three children who didn’t seem to remember how they were supposed to act.  Chris didn’t do the one thing I begged him to remember to do – carry the laundry basket from one room to the other.  Thomas couldn’t sit properly at dinner and was sent to his room after I was tired of correcting him.  Zoe wouldn’t play with anything, but was trying to get into all kinds of other things.  She too went to her room.  And after a Joe and Thomas fight, they found themselves in their room again.  I seriously wish I could have put myself in my room for some “thinking time” for the night! 

It seemed like I was getting attacked from all sides. To top it all off, my back hurts. My legs ache.  I’m tired.  And now I sit here frustrated.  Because even after a few good days of thinking I was releasing expectations, today I didn’t.  Today I’m mad because not a single person in our home met a single expectation I set -  not even me. 

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Lord, how can the day go from good to so bad?  Oh my!  I’m so grateful for my family, but raising children is so hard.  Zoe won’t sleep through the night.  In fact, we found her sleeping on the floor by the gate across her doorway this morning.  I was so tired I didn’t even have the energy to tell her to get back in her bed last night.  Thomas seems to have lost all sense of self control.  Joe seems tired and emotional and so do I.  Chris is stressed and exhausted from working so many hours.  We are a mess!  A big family mess!

 So I pause, take a deep breath, and I thank you for Jesus.  He cleans up us messy people and makes us white as snow.  He renews our strength each day.  He blesses us beyond measure.  He teaches us how to forgive…  how to love…  how to encourage.  Thank you that our family gets so much practice!  Thank you that sleep is just a few minutes away.

Forgive me for my selfish outbursts today - for those moments when I wanted to throw the temper tantrum.  Forgive me for all the times I made life all about me rather than You.  Teach me how to work through the expectations I’m setting for myself and others.  I know some are okay, but most of them are not.  Please teach me the difference.  I’m ready and listening.

***

You faced a few hours of chaotic battle tonight.  You are in physical pain.  You are tired.  And,  you felt like no one was listening to you.  Yet you are here with Me.  And I am listening.  I always listen.  I see your frustrations and hear your cries.  Tonight you did not look to me when you were unsure of how to discipline the children.  You did not ask Me for help with your pain.  Your goal was to make it to bedtime.  You even glanced over the Bible study time when you could not immediately find the scripture you were seeking.

Do you remember how I reminded you the other night how you need to look to Me in the storms?  Tonight was a testing.  You are listening now, so I know you will be prepared for the next one.  Always remember, I calm the storms.  I calm you.  Look to Me.  Know Me.  Let Me be the one you go to for every single thing every single day.  Sleep well tonight for tomorrow will be here soon enough.  I love you.  Look in my eyes, Daughter, and know I love you.

Your Guide through the Storms

***

How was your week with releasing expectations?  I was doing so well and then BOOM!  It all seemed to explode.  As I think about it now, I’m not sure that I had truly released expectations or if I was simply managing them.  Think about that for just a minute.  What is the difference between releasing expectations and managing them?

To release means, “to set free from restraint, confinement, or servitude; to relieve from something that confines, burdens, or oppresses” (according to Webster’s Dictionary).

To manage means, “to handle or direct with a degree of skill as to make compliant; to work upon or try to alter for a purpose” (according to Webster’s Dictionary).

Read those definitions again with me.  Now think about your week.  Were you totally set free from expectations?  Was the burden gone?  Did the confinement the expectations bring disappear?  OR did you just try to handle the expectations differently?  Did you set them and then try to direct them a different way or alter them for a purpose?

Friends, this is hard stuff.  I admit it!  I’ve been trying to manage expectations rather than release them!  How about you?  How are you doing now? 

What can we do differently this week to release rather than manage? 

1. Pray at the start of each day and ask God to make me aware of expectations I am setting.
2. Rather than “stuff” or “deny” the expectations I battle, I will acknowledge each one and give it to God.
3. I will confess any sin because of uncontrolled and unfair expectations.  I’ll confess to Jesus and to the one I sinned against.

Here is to a new day AND another step toward sweet release!

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For further study:

Isaiah 43:18-19, “Forget the former things;
                                  do not dwell on the past.
                              See, I am doing a new thing!
                                   Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
                              I am making a way in the wilderness
                                   and streams in the wasteland.”

2 Corinthians 3:16-18, “But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.  Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”