Tired of My Own Failure
Mountaintop experiences. Desert experiences. Mountaintop ones leave me joyful, happy, and fist-pumping my hands high in the air with a huge smile. Desert ones leave me dry, worn, fearful, and on my knees with tears streaming down my face.
You and I have had them both. We’re usually in one or on our way to the other. And, we can be sure we will continue to experience both again during our days here on earth.
In Matthew 3:13-4:11 we read about Jesus experiencing both. He has just been baptized and God has opened the heavens and spoken over him. Next, the Bible tells us, “Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil.” Jesus fasts for 40 days and nights and the temptation begins. Satan tries to tempt him three different times. Jesus triumphs with the truth of God’s Word. Angels attend to him. His ministry on earth begins.
I sit and write today in a desert. Only in my desert, I have been weak and given into temptation. I have battled all week. Three days in a row, I have kneeled before God and asked for his forgiveness. Each day I have sought God with all of my heart. Each day my confession and repentance has been real. Each day, I have started fresh determined to control my tongue in spite of the frustrations surrounding me. And, each day I have failed.
I have learned that failure is not an excuse to give up. And, it is not a reason to justify sin. Instead, it should lead us to the Savior with a Godly sorrow. It should drop us to our knees. And, it should bring about transformation.
The hope I have is that with each failure, I have learned. I have gotten back up, put on the armor of God, and moved forward. With each drop of grace the Father has poured out, I have grown. I have sought Him more. And, today, my tongue didn’t wag.
If you share a similar struggle, don’t give up. Look up instead. Give it to Jesus. And, try again. He will be faithful. You will learn. With Him, victory is closer than you might think!
* * *
Sweet Jesus,
Thank you for never giving up on me. Even when I have given up on myself, You have lifted my countenance. You have pulled me up. Carried me. Taught me how to move forward again.
Your grace is more than my mind can comprehend. It is truly amazing. Beautiful. Undeserved. It is hope. It is true love. Thank you.
* * *
My Child,
Your battle has never been against flesh and blood. There is a battle raging around you which is unseen. You cannot fight it with weapons of this world or weapons of your own power. You will fail. You will lose every time.
Put on the belt of truth around your waist. Truth is your core. Your strength. Place the breastplate of righteousness across your heart. It will keep your heart pure and sold out to Me alone. Put on the helmet of salvation knowing your mind can be protected with the peace of Jesus when you give Me every thought within. Keep your feet fitted with the message of the gospel so you can take it everywhere you go. Hold close your shield of faith. For faith will extinguish every temptation and attack thrown at you. And, finally stay in My Word. Take it to heart. Study it. Speak it. For it is the sword of the Spirit which has the power to slay evil. Pray without ceasing. Keep focused on Me. Stay in a continual conversation with Me throughout the day.
My weapons will bring victory just like the one you experienced today. You will find yourself feeling beat up, bruised, tired and worn at times just like you did this past week. But you will never be defeated. For, I have overcome the world. (Ephesians 6:10-18, John 16:33)
Your Defender
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
What is the Story of Your Life?
Mark Batterson writes in The Circle Maker, “Who you become is determined by how you pray. Ultimately the transcript of your prayers becomes the script of your life.”
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7
“I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer.” Psalm 17:6
How do you want the story of your life to be written? How, then, will you pray?
* * *
Oh God,
I want to live the life You dream for me. I no longer want to limit myself by small thoughts and small prayers. I want to run the race of this life with passion and dreams. Write them upon my heart. Unfold them step by step. And, when I put limits upon myself, break them... shatter them... demolish them. I want what You want. Thank you that Your dreams are bigger than mine. Your thoughts and ways are much higher. And, they are good and perfect. You are the Author and Perfecter of my faith.
* * *
My Child,
Dream big. I have given you dreams in your heart. Will you give them back to me? Will you place them before me? Will you pray through them? Will you seek My face in them? Will you seek My will?
For I am able to bring them to pass. I am able to do more than what you can ever ask for or imagine. I am God Almighty.
Dream big. Pray big. I will not give you everything you ask for. But, I will meet every need you have. And, I will fulfill amazing plans that I have for you.
The Author of Your Life
Mark Batterson writes in The Circle Maker, “Who you become is determined by how you pray. Ultimately the transcript of your prayers becomes the script of your life.”
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7
“I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer.” Psalm 17:6
How do you want the story of your life to be written? How, then, will you pray?
* * *
Oh God,
I want to live the life You dream for me. I no longer want to limit myself by small thoughts and small prayers. I want to run the race of this life with passion and dreams. Write them upon my heart. Unfold them step by step. And, when I put limits upon myself, break them... shatter them... demolish them. I want what You want. Thank you that Your dreams are bigger than mine. Your thoughts and ways are much higher. And, they are good and perfect. You are the Author and Perfecter of my faith.
* * *
My Child,
Dream big. I have given you dreams in your heart. Will you give them back to me? Will you place them before me? Will you pray through them? Will you seek My face in them? Will you seek My will?
For I am able to bring them to pass. I am able to do more than what you can ever ask for or imagine. I am God Almighty.
Dream big. Pray big. I will not give you everything you ask for. But, I will meet every need you have. And, I will fulfill amazing plans that I have for you.
The Author of Your Life
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Making it Through the Dark Days
Praying God’s Word is powerful. In Isaiah 55:10-12 God speaks these words through Isaiah the prophet, “As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”
These words teach us that when God’s Word goes forth, it is never in vain. It releases power to accomplish His will and His desires. I learned this many years ago, but experienced it personally after great tragedy.
In 2009, we were surprised to find we were expecting again. Just a few weeks later, I was in the doctor’s office learning there were two sacs in my womb. One baby was gone and the other only had a 25% chance.
Four days later, I lost the baby through a very traumatic miscarriage. One that left me questioning God and falling into a deep depression. In fact, I fell into such a deep pit that I thought I would have to leave ministry forever.
In those dark days, my emotions were like a roller coaster ride. I was angry with God and then crying out to Him. And, in those times I cried out, I would remember scripture. These words would come from the depth of my heart and soul:
“You say that you heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds, so when will you heal mine?”
“You say that I’m going to have trouble in this world so I should take heart because You have overcome it. But when will you overcome it in my life? Because, right now I’m suffocating.”
“You say you will never leave me or forsake me. So, show me You are here if you are real.”
My faith was rocked to the core. And, unknowingly, I was unleashing the power of heaven as I talked to God Himself about what His Word said. The result? Healing. Peace. Greater faith. In fact, I experienced God in ways that still bring tears to my eyes when I remember.
Does God’s Word have power? Absolutely. Please comment and share how you have seen this in your own life so you might encourage others.
* * *
Father,
Thank you for never changing. You are constant. You are true. Your Word extends all time. It is never outdated. It is never weakened. Thank you for the gift of 66 books with a power I cannot fully understand. And, thank you that it never goes out in vain, but instead accomplishes your plans and purposes. Thank you for allowing me to experience this truth in my own life.
* * *
My Daughter,
You will always find me when you seek Me. I will always make Myself known to you. I may not come to you in the ways you expect or even as you wish, but if you look, you will find Me. For, I hear every prayer. And when you seek Me with all your heart, I will not only answer you, but I will reveal more than you can imagine. But, it is in My time and in My way. I see the big picture - the kingdom picture - that I am painting for all to see My Son and Your Savior, Jesus. Be still. Know I am near. And I am working all things out for good. And, dear Child, along with all of my children, rest in the knowledge that you are part of My plan.
Your Constant
Praying God’s Word is powerful. In Isaiah 55:10-12 God speaks these words through Isaiah the prophet, “As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”
These words teach us that when God’s Word goes forth, it is never in vain. It releases power to accomplish His will and His desires. I learned this many years ago, but experienced it personally after great tragedy.
In 2009, we were surprised to find we were expecting again. Just a few weeks later, I was in the doctor’s office learning there were two sacs in my womb. One baby was gone and the other only had a 25% chance.
Four days later, I lost the baby through a very traumatic miscarriage. One that left me questioning God and falling into a deep depression. In fact, I fell into such a deep pit that I thought I would have to leave ministry forever.
In those dark days, my emotions were like a roller coaster ride. I was angry with God and then crying out to Him. And, in those times I cried out, I would remember scripture. These words would come from the depth of my heart and soul:
“You say that you heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds, so when will you heal mine?”
“You say that I’m going to have trouble in this world so I should take heart because You have overcome it. But when will you overcome it in my life? Because, right now I’m suffocating.”
“You say you will never leave me or forsake me. So, show me You are here if you are real.”
My faith was rocked to the core. And, unknowingly, I was unleashing the power of heaven as I talked to God Himself about what His Word said. The result? Healing. Peace. Greater faith. In fact, I experienced God in ways that still bring tears to my eyes when I remember.
Does God’s Word have power? Absolutely. Please comment and share how you have seen this in your own life so you might encourage others.
* * *
Father,
Thank you for never changing. You are constant. You are true. Your Word extends all time. It is never outdated. It is never weakened. Thank you for the gift of 66 books with a power I cannot fully understand. And, thank you that it never goes out in vain, but instead accomplishes your plans and purposes. Thank you for allowing me to experience this truth in my own life.
* * *
My Daughter,
You will always find me when you seek Me. I will always make Myself known to you. I may not come to you in the ways you expect or even as you wish, but if you look, you will find Me. For, I hear every prayer. And when you seek Me with all your heart, I will not only answer you, but I will reveal more than you can imagine. But, it is in My time and in My way. I see the big picture - the kingdom picture - that I am painting for all to see My Son and Your Savior, Jesus. Be still. Know I am near. And I am working all things out for good. And, dear Child, along with all of my children, rest in the knowledge that you are part of My plan.
Your Constant
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Are You Worn Out?
I’ve had a rough week. I want to sound more positive and say, “I had a challenging week, “ or, “I had some struggles this week.” But the bottom line is that I had a rough week.
The Gillespie family is facing some “stuff” that I simply don’t like. I want to fix it or take it away. But, it isn’t mine to fix or manage. My only choice is to face it.
In addition, I received answers regarding some health issues I’ve been facing the past 18 months. And, while I’m very grateful for the answers, I struggled to accept that after a year of food restrictions, more has been taken away. And - brace yourself for this one ladies - this includes NO CHOCOLATE (not even my allergy-free kind)! I also get to add a medical shake twice a day to try to help heal my body. Oh - and I can expect to be very sick for a week or so as my body adjusts.
In a matter of 4 days, I was thrown into the fire of Gillespie family “stuff”. And, told I can’t even have chocolate! Instead, I get a medical shake. And, sickness. Not fun. Not pretty. Not what I want.
So, I did what any reasonable Jesus loving gal would do. I went to God and very respectfully threw a minor temper tantrum. I explained I would go down this road, but I didn’t want to. I shared my fears. I shed tears. And I asked Him what the purpose was in taking so much away from me. I asked, “What is the point?”
And, as my tantrum ended, I took a breath. I paused. I closed my eyes. I was still.
* * *
God, I’m tired and worn. I’ve been here before. In fact, I’ve been worse. And, You have always been faithful. You are beyond good to me. But, from where I am standing, it is hard to see Your plan. It is hard to believe it is a good plan. My head knows Your truth, but my eyes try to distract me with what I can see.
Help me to walk by faith and not by sight. I cry out just as the father did in Mark 7 that I do believe, but help me in my unbelief. Please give me the breath I need for today to put one foot in front of the other. Open my eyes to the things unseen. Guide me in Your truth.
* * *
My Precious Daughter,
I hold your tears in my hand. I see your broken places. Always remember that I am the Potter and you are the clay. I am the Potter that is gently holding you. Molding you. Crafting you. There are times of pressure and times of gentle touch. But both are still in My hands. There are times of outpouring and times of dryness. But, both are under my care.
I will never leave you or forsake you. I am the same yesterday, today and forever. I am with you always even until the ends of the earth. You are My child whom I love.
Reach out your hand. Reach just as you did as a child and know I carry you through this. Take heart, for I have overcome.
Your Dad Who Holds You
* * *
I’m into the new week now and the Gillespie “stuff” is still rough. And, I had some physical food withdrawals. But, because I went to God with my rough week... because I asked Him questions... He is answering me. He is giving me insight. And, I haven’t been sick yet.
I am learning that when all is stripped away from me, He is ever present. When horrific things in life happen, He weeps with me. On the days when I can barely get out of bed, He is right beside me. And, even when it feels like He is missing, He isn’t.
Hebrews 13:5 tells us that God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” The Message paraphrase writes it like this, “I’ll never let you down, I’ll never walk off and leave you.”
Whatever you are facing this week, know God is there and He cares. Even if it feels like He isn’t. He is there. He cares. Surrender what is hard for you. Share your heart with Him. Throw your temper tantrum if you must. But, give it to Him. Go all in. And then, keep walking. Take one step. Then another. Don’t worry about what tomorrow brings (or for some of us the next hour or next meal). Simply take one step and walk it out with Him.
My prayer for each of us is from Hebrews 13:20-21,
“May God, who puts all things together,
makes all things whole,
Who made a lasting mark through the sacrifice of Jesus,
the sacrifice of blood that sealed the eternal covenant,
Who led Jesus, our Great Shepherd,
up and alive from the dead,
Now put you together, provide you
with everything you need to please him,
Make us into what gives him most pleasure,
by means of the sacrifice of Jesus, the Messiah.
All glory to Jesus forever and always!
Oh, yes, yes, yes.” (The Message)
I’ve had a rough week. I want to sound more positive and say, “I had a challenging week, “ or, “I had some struggles this week.” But the bottom line is that I had a rough week.
The Gillespie family is facing some “stuff” that I simply don’t like. I want to fix it or take it away. But, it isn’t mine to fix or manage. My only choice is to face it.
In addition, I received answers regarding some health issues I’ve been facing the past 18 months. And, while I’m very grateful for the answers, I struggled to accept that after a year of food restrictions, more has been taken away. And - brace yourself for this one ladies - this includes NO CHOCOLATE (not even my allergy-free kind)! I also get to add a medical shake twice a day to try to help heal my body. Oh - and I can expect to be very sick for a week or so as my body adjusts.
In a matter of 4 days, I was thrown into the fire of Gillespie family “stuff”. And, told I can’t even have chocolate! Instead, I get a medical shake. And, sickness. Not fun. Not pretty. Not what I want.
So, I did what any reasonable Jesus loving gal would do. I went to God and very respectfully threw a minor temper tantrum. I explained I would go down this road, but I didn’t want to. I shared my fears. I shed tears. And I asked Him what the purpose was in taking so much away from me. I asked, “What is the point?”
And, as my tantrum ended, I took a breath. I paused. I closed my eyes. I was still.
* * *
God, I’m tired and worn. I’ve been here before. In fact, I’ve been worse. And, You have always been faithful. You are beyond good to me. But, from where I am standing, it is hard to see Your plan. It is hard to believe it is a good plan. My head knows Your truth, but my eyes try to distract me with what I can see.
Help me to walk by faith and not by sight. I cry out just as the father did in Mark 7 that I do believe, but help me in my unbelief. Please give me the breath I need for today to put one foot in front of the other. Open my eyes to the things unseen. Guide me in Your truth.
* * *
My Precious Daughter,
I hold your tears in my hand. I see your broken places. Always remember that I am the Potter and you are the clay. I am the Potter that is gently holding you. Molding you. Crafting you. There are times of pressure and times of gentle touch. But both are still in My hands. There are times of outpouring and times of dryness. But, both are under my care.
I will never leave you or forsake you. I am the same yesterday, today and forever. I am with you always even until the ends of the earth. You are My child whom I love.
Reach out your hand. Reach just as you did as a child and know I carry you through this. Take heart, for I have overcome.
Your Dad Who Holds You
* * *
I’m into the new week now and the Gillespie “stuff” is still rough. And, I had some physical food withdrawals. But, because I went to God with my rough week... because I asked Him questions... He is answering me. He is giving me insight. And, I haven’t been sick yet.
I am learning that when all is stripped away from me, He is ever present. When horrific things in life happen, He weeps with me. On the days when I can barely get out of bed, He is right beside me. And, even when it feels like He is missing, He isn’t.
Hebrews 13:5 tells us that God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” The Message paraphrase writes it like this, “I’ll never let you down, I’ll never walk off and leave you.”
Whatever you are facing this week, know God is there and He cares. Even if it feels like He isn’t. He is there. He cares. Surrender what is hard for you. Share your heart with Him. Throw your temper tantrum if you must. But, give it to Him. Go all in. And then, keep walking. Take one step. Then another. Don’t worry about what tomorrow brings (or for some of us the next hour or next meal). Simply take one step and walk it out with Him.
My prayer for each of us is from Hebrews 13:20-21,
“May God, who puts all things together,
makes all things whole,
Who made a lasting mark through the sacrifice of Jesus,
the sacrifice of blood that sealed the eternal covenant,
Who led Jesus, our Great Shepherd,
up and alive from the dead,
Now put you together, provide you
with everything you need to please him,
Make us into what gives him most pleasure,
by means of the sacrifice of Jesus, the Messiah.
All glory to Jesus forever and always!
Oh, yes, yes, yes.” (The Message)
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