Answering the Most Common Follow up Question – Part 2

Sorry for the delay of this part two.  We were out of town for a beautiful wedding!  Do you remember where we left off?  We had started answering the question, “What should I say to someone who is openly discussing how great the book or movie is (or anything I believe the Bible says is sinful)?  Do I take a stand?  Do I walk away or change the subject?  Should I be silent? I don’t want anyone to feel like I think I’m better than them or are judging them.” 

We looked at the importance of praying when facing a difficult conversation or situation as well as asking God to check our motives.  We want our motivation in our response to be from love.  If we have any other motives, 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 tells us we are clanging cymbals.  So what do we consider next?

Step Three – Do not answer based on your feelings

This step goes hand in hand with seeking God’s wisdom and checking our motivation which we looked at last week.  When was the last time you did something out of emotion and then regretted it?  I have spoken harshly to my husband out of hurt…  I’ve passed up opportunities to help others because I felt overwhelmed…  and yes I have turned to overeating to try to calm the stress in my life.  Haven’t we all reacted from our feelings?  But even when we truly believe our feelings are justified and that we have the right answer, we must remember to stop and pray.  Jeremiah 17:9 tells us,

^“9 The heart is deceitful above all things

and beyond cure.

Who can understand it?”

Step Four – Answer from God’s Word

If we are not going to answer out of our own feelings and opinions, then what answer do we give?  We give from God’s Word.  Even as I type this, I realize there are many people who misuse and abuse God’s Word.  There are people who take Scripture out of context and use it to manipulate people and circumstances.  And those who do this will be held accountable to God just as every one of us will be. 

What I’m referring to is answering from God’s Word keeping Scripture in context.  What does this mean?  It means we do not pull a verse out of the Bible to meet our needs.  We look at the entire context of a passage and use it wisely.  Think of it this way…  Imagine we are talking and within that conversation I say, “I need to run.”  If you go and tell your friend, “Holly said she needed to run” what might that other person think I meant?  That I’m overweight?  That I’m out of shape?  That I’m stressed out?  That I need to leave someplace quickly?  That I need to go do something else?  If we do not look at the statement in the context of our conversation, then any of those things are possible.  And any of them could be valid.  But some of those could also start false rumors and be hurtful.  Haven’t we seen people do the same thing with Scripture? 

We want to give good, true and right answers and encouragement from Scripture.  If you aren’t sure how to do this, then keep following this blog because I will address it in the near future.

Step Five - Think of the other person

After we have prayed, checked our motivation with God, objectively looked at our feelings and then studied what God says, we need to think of the other person. 

God says in Psalm 139 that He fearfully and wonderfully made each one of us…  that He knitted each of us together in our mother’s womb.  He also tells us in Genesis 1:27 tells us God made male and female in His image.  Do you see how each of us has extreme value because we were made by the Creator?  Because of this value God has given us, we must remember this value when we lovingly confront another.  How can you make sure you are valuing and thinking of the other person?  Think and pray through some of these questions…  What is her life like right now?  What is she going through?  What is her personality?  What is our relationship?  How can I speak Truth yet demonstrate love to her at the same time?

Those of us who are parents of multiple children know we usually approach each child differently.  One of my sons is very analytical so I usually use logic when trying to help him understand something.  My other son is very imaginative so I often tell him a story. 

Remember this when confronting someone in love…  think of them and not just what you want them to hear from you.

Step Six – Choose your method  

Please, please, please keep reading.  Although this is the last step, this is one of the most important steps.  We must be careful how we confront the person.  If you do not choose this well, then all the prayer, motivation and feelings checks, Bible study and thoughtfulness will not matter.  If you choose the wrong method, then love will not shine through and pain, hurt and rejection can be inflicted.  Trust me…  I have learned this because I have unintentionally hurt people.

The BEST method is to sit down face to face and talk with the person.  Let them see your eyes and hear the tone in your voice.  Let them not only hear your words, but see the love you have for them.

Please do NOT flippantly respond to a post on Facebook or fire off an email.  Social and electronic media are not the best way!  The person reading it can read too many other things into it.  They could read your words with a harsh tone in mind rather than the love you wanted them to read.  They can misinterpret.  And most importantly, they will most likely miss God’s grace.

Step Seven – Remember to be real

Romans 3:23 tells us, “…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”  I have sinned and you have sinned.  As I have talked with women about sins they battle in their lives, I’m always reminded of the battle going on in my own.  We are all works in progress.  We should all be growing and maturing in Christ.  So be real and transparent…  share your own struggles and stories.  I had one woman tell me, “I would never go see the movie Magic Mike, but I remember back in the day before I knew Jesus when I went to see the Chippendales with my girlfriends…  I understand why these women are getting caught up in the ‘fun’ and missing the danger of it.  We have to teach them.”

Teaching others is where I learn the most myself.  I’m definitely not an expert when addressing a difficult subject with people.  I’ve done it often, but I still mess up.  These are simply things for you to keep in mind.  I pray God will use even a small piece of it if it is His will to do so.

Father, I want to be the woman You have created me to be.  I want to show Your love, saving grace, and mercy to others.  I want to be bold yet loving.  Will You teach me how to do this?  Will You guide and direct me?  There are so many people searching for answers…  those who are lost and have not yet found You…  others who say they know You but aren’t following You…  and yet others who know You and are seeking You.  Use me as You wish…  for Your plans for me are far greater than anything I can imagine here on earth.  May others know Your love.  Amen

What’s next on the blog?

I’ve had several people ask what will be next…  I’m honestly not sure.  This started out as a blog to share simple information about Women’s Ministry at First Christian Church.  But what I’m learning is that many women have questions about life, the Bible and how they go together.  So know I’m asking God what He wants…  please pray with me.  And if you have any kind of question you would like me to address either post it on this blog or email it to me at hgillespie@fccn.org and I’ll do my best to find an answer for you.  

Answering the Most Common Follow up Question – Part 1

How did you do last week with filtering everything you saw and heard through Philippians 4:8?  Did you have any surprises?  Did you notice any changes?

I heard from several of you that you wanted to comment on the blog, but it wouldn’t let you.  I honestly do not understand technology well, but I do know that you have to be an actual follower of the blog to leave a comment.  You can receive the blog through an email without being a follower, but you can only leave a comment by being a follower.    I’m sure there is some way for me to change the settings, but again, I’m challenged in this area so if there is, I haven’t figured it out. 

The Question

Since sharing my thoughts last week on the book 50 Shades of Grey, Magic Mike as well as other movies, books, and TV shows, many readers have asked me this type of question, “What should I say to someone who is openly discussing how great the book or movie is (or anything I believe the Bible says is sinful)?  Do I take a stand?  Do I walk away or change the subject?  Should I be silent? I don’t want anyone to feel like I think I’m better than them or are judging them.”  I believe this is a question followers of Jesus Christ are all faced with from time to time.  I know I’ve wondered what to do when people I love have faced addictions, tempting affairs, as well as other situations.  And while I am no expert, I will share my thoughts through practical steps I use.  I will share two steps this week and the rest of the steps in the coming weeks. 

Step One - Prayer

For me, when faced with any situation or conversation I am unsure of or uncomfortable with, I start with prayer.  The above question I’m addressing today is an example.  I began getting this question immediately from readers of the blog, but I have taken my time and prayed day after day for God to reveal to me what He desires in His perfect timing.  I do my best to wait on Him and try not to rush Him or jump ahead of Him.   

In other situations though, it would be very awkward for me to say, “Let me spend a few days thinking and praying about this and then I’ll get back to you.”  In this case, while in conversation, I simply and quickly divert my mind for a moment ask God to help…  to give me wisdom… to give me words to speak or silence my mouth…  sometimes my mind shouts, “Help!”  Then I rest assured God has heard me, knows my situation, and will meet my current need.

Step Two –What’s my motivation?

Regardless of whether I’m praying in the moment, or over time, I ask God to check my heart and motivation.  If God is calling me to take a stand, what is my motivation?  Is it because I want my opinion heard?  Because I want to win an argument?  Is it because I feel the need to be “God’s helper” and proclaim the scriptures I know?  Is it out of pride and self righteousness?  Or is it out of love for the person or people? 

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 says, “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”

Think of it this way…  if you were talking with someone and all you could literally hear was them banging loud cymbals over and over again, would you continue the conversation?  Be honest - what would you do?  In this Corinthians passage, God is telling us that when we do not speak and act in love, that is what we are.  God can only use me to minister to others when my motivation is pure love.  If I have any ulterior motives…  any bit of self righteousness… any attitude whatsoever, then I may as well be a very loud cymbal crashing over and over again that no one wants to listen to or be near.  If my motivation is not pure, then I confess it to God and continue to ask Him if He desires to use me in the situation.  

To think about…

While reading this today, did God bring to mind a person and situation?  If so, will you commit to starting the process of prayer and checking your motivation?  Will you trust God to answer and guide you?

Lord, You know the situation I’m facing right now.  I want to be Light, but I want to do it in love.  I want to make sure my motivation is pure.  And I want to make sure I follow You.  I acknowledge you love my loved one even more than I do…  and I acknowledge You may choose to keep me silent and to use someone else to speak truth in love.  So I surrender this person to You…  I seek Your will and way above my own…  and I trust You to reveal your Light.  Use me as You wish.  Check my heart and my desires…  may they be more like yours each day…  pure, holy, and true.  Amen.

50 Shades of Grey and Magic Mike - My Thoughts

My first week back from sabbatical allowed me to dive back in immediately to Women’s Ministry.  Over the next few months, I’ll share pieces of what I did, experienced and learned from God, but first I want to comment on a very important popular question.

Stop and think for just a moment…  if you were me and just getting back from sabbatical,  what do you think the most common questions asked would be?

The Question

If I’m honest, the first question is, “How much weight have you lost?” or something to that effect which I will address another day.  The second is, “Are you glad to be back?”  which again, I’ll address another day.  But the third, and most shocking  question has been, “What do you think of the book 50 Shades of Grey?” 

Because a Godly woman and friend from out of town had posted her experience with the book on Facebook, I was able to give a ready answer.  My friend shared that a Christian woman had recommended the book to her, but after a few chapters in, she was appalled and disgusted with the sexual explicitness.  This led to many comments on her post.  After reading the comments I had a good idea that the book included graphic sexual explicitness, but one of the main characters was a young Christian woman.  It appeared Christian women were being drawn into the book because of this character, and some viewed it as okay to read and others didn’t.  I pondered the conversation and went on with my sabbatical without another thought.  But upon returning and as women continue to email me, facebook message me and call me with this same question, AND all the chatter I’m hearing and reading about the movie Magic Mike,  God has prompted my heart and it is time for me to share what I believe in light of God’s Word.

Where are You?

Before you read further, would you rate your love for Jesus?  Do you love Him from the depths of your heart or are you just interested in Him?  If you love Him, what is your motivation?  Is it fear of hell or does it come from the knowledge and understanding of the sin He carried to the cross on your behalf so you could have freedom? 

What and who do you surround yourself with?  Do you love Jesus, but immerse yourself in pop culture and music?  Do you look to others to bring joy to your life and make everything alright or do you seek to have Jesus fill every void you carry within? 

For each of us, the answers to these questions will vary based on where our current walk with Jesus is.  I would have answered these questions differently 15 years ago, 10 years ago and even 5 years ago.  Because my relationship with Jesus is continually growing, so are my thoughts, attitudes and desires.  And my thoughts, attitudes and desires have an impact on what I watch, read, say and do (and please note I am forever growing in all of these areas…  I am a sinner saved by grace!).

Questions about the Book and the Movie

Now let’s go to the book and the movie.  The following are the first questions about this book or movie (or any book or movie or TV show) I want to ask myself:

1.  What is the Godly benefit of reading this book or going to see this movie?  As a Christ follower, how does it bring glory to Jesus Christ?  Is it a book I would read with Jesus or a movie I would take Him to?

2.  How does this book or movie stand up in the light of Scripture?  Philippians 4:8 tells Christ followers, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  Does what I am about to read or view match up with this?

I know some of you are agreeing with me and others of you are angry and thinking I am just a “goody goody”…  and honestly, I’m okay with that.  I would hope and pray that if you love Jesus and are truly striving to live for Him, then the first two questions would already answer the question of whether or not you should read the book or go see the movie.  But in case you need some more thoughts, here are a couple of additional questions…

1.   Do I want my daughter/son or granddaughter/grandson or niece/nephew to enter in this same relationship as written about in the book or movie?  Would I want a loved one to have the same life as the character?  Would it be okay?  Would I support her or him in that choice or would it break my heart?

2.  Do I want my husband or sons to treat a woman this way?  Or in the case of Magic Mike, do I want my husband and sons to go see the same movie with women as the characters rather than men (Magic Michelle instead of Magic Mike)?  Would I see it as a “fun guys night out movie”?

What is the Answer?

The answer to both of these questions is a big NO for me.  And praying over the past week about what to share with you, has caused me to ponder everything I have been watching and reading.  I have even noticed commercials on HGTV that I prefer my children not to see.  So why did I notice things this past week that I didn’t notice before?  I truly believe I have been desensitized.  The more I watch and read about sinful things in the world, the more it takes to shock me.  Why do I often think I am “immune” to things my eyes see and ears hear?  I honestly think part of it is my own sinful arrogance.  For some reason, I believe the lies in my head and think that I can watch it and not be affected…  afterall, I know Jesus…  so it won’t affect me.  But the Truth of God’s Word warns us about what we see in Matthew 18:8-9, “If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire.  And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.”

I can already hear some of you say, “Oh Holly that is so extreme!”  But is it?  Haven’t you heard of people who were Christ followers leave the faith?  Haven’t you heard of God-fearing men and women who fell into temptation and lost everything?  Where do you think it started?  Do you think all of them just decided one day it would be great to have an affair?  Jesus knows the heart of men and women…  He knows sin and our downfall starts with one flickering thought.  He said in Matthew 26:42 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

If you are still reading with me, I thank you.  I know I’m saying a lot.  And my sincere prayer is that you can hear my heart for each of you in my words.  50 Shades of Grey and  Magic Mike contain explicit sex which translates to me as porn for women.  And there are a whole lot of other books, magazines, TV shows, etc that may not be this explicit, but are not okay for us to read and watch.  If we do, it comes into our minds and infiltrates our lives with the ultimate goal of destroying us, our marriages and our children.  Sex isn’t bad…  in fact it is a beautiful, amazing and fulfilling gift God has given us when we follow His Word regarding it (and trust me, if you study it, it is exciting too…  see below for information on a book Intimate Issues which will greatly impact your married sex life!) 

What Will You Choose?

If you are a Christ follower…  if you love Jesus with all of yourself…  will you please pray about what you are putting in your mind?  Will you run everything through the filter of Philippians 4:8 this week with me?  Will you take a stand and then with great love encourage your friends and family to do the same?  What will we learn together this next week by making this commitment?  What changes will take place in our lives…  our marriages…  our families?  Will you commit with me to be aware this next week and put aside the things of this world? 

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 tells us we can put it aside, “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 

Let’s take our thoughts captive and experience more and more freedom in Jesus as we seek His face and His grace in this life. 

Lord, I do not want to continue to be desensitized to the things of this world.  Please forgive me for letting my own sinful pride cause me to think that things of this world do not impact me.  I acknowledge that every sinful image I see and read  adds the world to my heart…  and I don’t want that.  I want more and more of Jesus…  less of me and more of You.  Convict my heart and open my eyes to not only the obvious infiltration tactics of Satan, but also the subtle ones.  Purify my heart.  May Your Holy Spirit help me capture every thought and make it obedient to You, Jesus.  And may I be a Light that shines brightly for You and reflects Your love.  Thank you that my time on earth is but a breath when compared to eternity.  Thank you for the promise of life forever with You where everything will be perfect, pure, holy, praiseworthy, admirable and beautiful.   Amen

For further study:

What does 1 John 2:15 tell you?

How does 1 John 3 apply to this?

Other resources:

If you want to see what God says about sex (and He says it is good according to His Word!) read Intimate Issues by Pintus and Dillow.

For more biblical Truth and insight on 50 Shades of Grey and Magic Mike, check out these blogs:

http://melissajenna.com/2012/06/30/50-shades-of-magic-mike-in-which-i-am-very-uncool/

http://www.purefreedom.org/blog/?p=320

http://www.girlsgonewise.com/a-black-and-white-choice-not-to-read-fifty-shades-of-grey/

I'm Back!

After a wonderful 7 week sabbatical, I'm jumping back into ministry.  The time away was wonderful.  I was able to focus on being a wife and a mom as well as get numerous household projects completed.  As I drove to the office yesterday I wondered if I was truly ready to return to the ministry with women God has called me to.  Within an hour, I realized being back felt "right"...  it felt like a warm, cozy familiar piece of clothing.  I couldn't help but smile and thank God for the rest and the return.

So what is next in Women's Ministry?  I'll be writing about that soon.  For now, I'm getting caught up with the many volunteers who blessed us all by continuing the work while I was away.  Much love to you all!