Yes, I Am a Broken Woman!

Broken stuff.  It is frustrating isn’t it?  Today it was a roll out shelf in my office cabinet.  I pulled it out and the back left side fell.  I cleaned up the mess and emailed our Facilities Manager to see if he could fix it.  He came in with his joyful smile and examined the situation.  Then he told me the back RIGHT side was broken.  I said, “No, it was the back LEFT side which fell…  that is the broken side.”  He grinned and said, “Look right here.  See this broken part on the RIGHT side?  It is what caused the LEFT side to fall.”  Hmmmmm…  pause…  think…  How often is my brokenness just like my roll out shelf?

Yes, I have many broken places within me.  And for a lot of years I didn’t even know they were there.  And then for many more years I tried to deny they were there…  I tried to “buck up” and just keep going.  In my mind I thought, “Bad things happen to everyone right?  So why dwell on it?  Why think about it?  I just have to move on.”  But just like my roll out shelf, I couldn’t keep myself together…  even though I was trying to keep it all together in the name of Jesus, I couldn’t.  And one day I crashed.  I fell apart.  A woman in ministry.  A woman who loved Jesus with all her heart.  A wife.  A mom.  A daughter.  A friend.  The brokenness inside left me a crumpled mess on the floor desperate for Jesus to do something.  And He did…  He came in and starting shining Light on broken places so He could heal them. 

Jesus was the right one to call upon to come in and examine my heart and soul…  He was the One who could identify where the broken places really were.  On the surface it looked to me like I was broken because I just wasn’t good enough, capable enough, or even loved Jesus enough, but He showed me I was broken because I live in a sinful and fallen world.  He showed me that broken places are a part of life…  a part of life He wants to heal because He loves me so much.  And He is still healing broken pieces in me.

Yes, I still have many broken places.  Rather than hide it, I’ll shout it from the rooftops.  I am a broken woman in need of Jesus.  And this amazing Jesus is revealing and healing my brokenness step by step and day by day.  It isn’t easy.  And I still find myself a crumpled mess on the floor some days, but Jesus is there with me…  loving me…  and assuring me He is with me…  and that He will once again be true to Psalm 147:3 and heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds. 

Sweet Jesus, thank you for rescuing me from my broken places.  Thank you for shining light, love, grace and mercy on each place.  Thank you for binding each broken place back together in a new way…  with greater strength…  with peace.  Life is hard.  But You are good.  Thank you for Your faithfulness…  for never leaving me…  for never giving up on me…  for always loving me.  Heal me for Your work.  Heal me and use me in whatever way You choose.  Even when it hurts, shine your light and heal the brokenness.  And thank you for the promise of complete healing inside and out one day in heaven with You.  Amen.

For further study:

Read John chapter 4.  Who was broken?  How do you know she was broken?

What did Jesus do?  What did He say? 

What broken places do you have?  Ask Him to show you and let Him bring about healing. 

Life Lessons from "Finely Shredded Cheese"

Lunch with a friend!   For this full-time working mother of 3, I was very excited!  We made a quick stop at a vintage clothing store where I found the perfect little black dress on clearance.  Then we headed to a quaint café where I was pleased to find a salad I could eat with my food sensitivities.  “I’ll have the BLT Chicken Salad with no cheese and balsamic vinegrette on the side.”  YUM!  Then my friend and I talked and waited…  and waited… and waited.  The waitress explained it was taking a while for him to cook fresh chicken for us…  okay…  so we waited and waited and waited.  And then…  finally…  here came the salads!  They looked amazing!  And then I looked closer.  And there among my lettuce, chicken, tomatoes and hard boiled eggs were pieces of cheese.  Little pieces of finely shredded cheese – so very delicious – but if eaten, could make me very sick. 

I knew what had happened.  The salad was made.  The order was double checked and then WHOOPS!  They realized I had said no cheese.  So they had done the best they could to get it off.  Surely traces of finely shredded cheese wouldn’t be a big deal would it?

But for me, those little pieces of finely shredded cheese could set my health back again.  And I had just recovered from a 3 week bout with digestive issues.  I started to pick out the cheese.  My friend said, “You have to send it back.  It will make you sick.”

 “They don’t have time to make me another one, though.  We have to go soon,” I replied. 

“Just ask her.  You can’t eat it, Holly.  It's going to make you sick.” 

I wrestled in my mind as I waited for the waitress to come over.  What if I did eat it?  It was just a little bit.  Maybe it wouldn’t bother me…  but then what if it did and I became sick for another 3 weeks?  I definitely didn’t want that!  But, I reasoned with myself, I should have more clearly explained to the waitress why it was so important not to have the cheese there…  they didn’t mean me any harm.  My mind back and forth until she came to the table.

I explained very nicely to her that if I ate it I could become sick.  She asked if she could get me something else.  I told her that was about all on the menu I could eat and we didn’t have time to wait for another order.  She then went back to talk to the cook.  I sat there watching my friend eat.  Within a few minutes, the waitress approached and told me the chef could not cook more chicken in the small amount of time we had.  No food for me.  No salad.  No eating out. 

It was then I wondered, “Was it worth sending the salad back?”  I felt bad for them and for me.  I had to reject their food.  I had to protect myself.  They weren’t intending to harm me.  But it would.  I had a choice.  And today I decided the risk wasn’t worth it.

I returned to my office hungry for lunch.  I sat in my chair and pulled out my nut crackers, dried cherries and peanut butter – and yes, I was a little pouty about it.  But then I realized you and I both face similar situations every single day.  How?  Well for you it most likely isn’t about food decisions.  But don’t we both have choices to make about things in the world?  Don’t we regularly face big and small infiltrations?  Aren’t we often faced with “little pieces of the world” lying on top of what is good for us just as the little pieces of finely shredded cheese laid on top of my healthy salad?

And  when faced with the “little pieces of the world” situations, don’t we go through the same thought process as I did with my food with thoughts like,  “A little won’t hurt will it?  But what if it offends another?  Am I overreacting?  Is it really a big deal?  A little surely can’t do anything to me!  But what if it can?  Is it worth the risk?  Do I reject this little piece and protect myself?  Do I run the risk of someone talking about me after I leave or making fun of me?  What do I do?”

May I share my friend’s advice again?  It is seared into my mind… “It will make you sick.”  Whether a little sick or a big sick, it will still make us sick.  That little piece of “finely shredded cheese” isn’t worth the risk.  Stand strong.  Protect yourself.  And do not toy with even the littlest things of the world.  God says in 1 Peter 1:16, “Be holy for I am holy.”  We will never be perfect, but we can live fully under His grace every day seeking Him more. 

It will be worth it.  We will be rewarded…  we will be blessed.  The chef of the restaurant came out and apologized and gave me a coupon for a free meal written on the back of a business card.  He didn’t have to do that…  but it was nice.  And just think about how much greater our Father’s heavenly reward will be!         

Lord, I want to notice all of the tiny pieces of “finely shredded cheese” trying to rest on top of all Your goodness and holiness.  I want to live a life for You.  Thank you for offering forgiveness and grace when I stumble and fall.  And thank you also for giving me the strength to stand against the temptations of the world.  Please help me to be sensitive to your Spirit’s warnings.  Help me to stand strong.  I want to be a healthy light of love and grace for You.  ~ Amen

For further study:

Read 2 Samuel 11.  What was David’s “little piece of finely shredded cheese?”  Did he flee?  What was the result? (Read chapter 12 for even more results)

Read Luke 9:51-56.  What were James and John’s “little piece of finely shredded cheese?”  What was Jesus’ response?  Why do you think He responded this way?

Ask God to show you what you are facing.  Write down each one.  Beside each one write down how it might make you “sick.”  Spend time talking to God about the risk.  Then write down how you might feel if you reject the “little pieces of finely shredded cheese” you are facing.